7 Ways To Rekindle The Romance In Your Relationship
November 6, 2007
Photo by darkroom11
When a relationship first started, it is usually accompanied by hot passion and sizzling romance. It fills you up, and you feel like you’re at the top of the world. It’s indeed a great feeling to have another person’s unconditional love and full attention.
However, over time, this feeling wades. The relationship matures into something more stable, less sensational. People simply get use to each other, and the bursting emotional scale recedes back to normal range.
This is a normal relationship cycle. A sustainable long term relationship does not necessarily mean you are constantly feeling ‘high’ with love. On the other hand, it does not mean that we should allow the romance to degenerate into a monotonous, mundane issue between two people.
Having being with my wife for 10 years already, we have pretty much experienced most of the highs and lows. One thing we consciously make an effort to do is to make sure the romance does not wither or fade away as the years go by.
Rekindling the romance in a long term relationship does take some effort from both parties. It means setting aside time and effort from your busy schedule to maintain and invigorate the relationship.
Here are some tips we constantly use to rekindle the romance:
- Take Holiday Breaks Together. – Getting away together for a week or two is the best way to rekindle your romance. It does not necessarily have to be a luxurious getaway; just somewhere away from the normal buzz of life. Throw your work aside and get away to somewhere where two of you will not be disturbed; where you can fully enjoy each other’s company.
- Celebrate. – We make it a point to celebrate each other’s birthday, our anniversary, and Christmas every year. It does not need to be a grand celebration; just a quiet, cozy dinner, and exchanging of small gifts. Gift exchange is something my wife really looks forward to; and anticipation certainly helps to bring some excitement into the relationship.
PS: Today is my wife, Florence’s birthday and we are celebrating.
Happy birthday, Darling. - Do Something Different Together. – Have new experiences together. Sometimes, when we get into a funky mood, we set ourselves a date to go roller-blading, hiking, or even sign up for the half-marathon. Or try going to a new restaurant, a new park; anything that is different to break the monotony of your routine. A fresh experience every once in a while brings fresh perspectives and rejuvenates your relationship.
- Separation. – Separation does make the heart go fondle. Due to our work, we travel quite often. If handled well, small separations do help to rekindle the romance in your relationship. I make it a point to call my wife everyday when I’m overseas. We would talk about how much I miss her, and planning on doing things together when I get back. The anticipation that builds up helps to rekindle more romance.
- Appreciate Each Other. – Even though it may seem obvious, make it a point to show your wife how much you appreciate her. A sincere ‘I love you’ and warm, cuddly hug once in a while certainly drives home the message. Trust me, we all need that assurance sometimes.
- Spend Time With Yourself. – A healthy relationship requires time away from each other as well. By spending time with yourself, to think about your life and what you want, it allows you to come back to the relationship as a positive and healthy person. The basis of any healthy relationship is two healthy, positive people coming together.
It is only when you are well that you can have the energy and internal resources to make a positive difference…
- Tina SuTina Su recently wrote about self love, and also Karen Lynch says that the healthier and happier you are alone, the better the life you build together in a relationship.
- Be Present. – The most important tip of all; be present. When I am out on a date with my wife, I try not to have my work distract me from enjoying the date. Ladies are very sensitive and will sense it when you’re preoccupied with other thoughts. Nothing is more of a kill-joy than a boyfriend/husband who does not enjoy her company.
It is important that you take conscious efforts to romance each other; before it degenerates into a humdrum relationship of two people taking each other for granted.
Rekindling your romance does not necessarily mean that you need to bring back the hot lovey-dovey feeling you felt when you were in your teens. Depending on your age, personality and the maturity of your relationship, it can also be just a simple session together and enjoying each other’s company. It’s these small things that make a huge difference in the long run.
How do you rekindle your romance? Feel free to share with us in the comments.
Excellent article. I think you’re right about the appreciation point. Although it seems simple and obvious many people don’t appreciate what they have and just take it for granted.
Hi Erik,
thank for your affirmation. It’s appreciation of my work in a way too. Yes, we all need a little appreciation every now and then
Hey Lawrence, very insightful post. I really enjoy the last two, learning how to be with yourself, and being present are truly the best ways to be. I heard that the spiritual teachers ones are not in a relationship with their lovers - they relate. It’s a continuous, fresh thing - moment to moment, instead of being locked in, and being present is how they do it.
hi Albert,
once again, you add a philosophical touch to everything you say
I think this is beautiful… and it’s true; being present and truly relating to each other is what makes two people connect. Very true. Thanks for highlighting this.
Oooh relationships… it’s so easy to get lost along the way through the years. Things can be too comfortable, some good advice given and things to think about, Thanks Lawrence.
Thanks bud. I’m not the one who wrote that post, it was guest written by Karen Lynch. I couldn’t agree with her more though.
Oops! Thanks for the correction Alex, I will correct that.
Good write.
I agree that separation is good. I feel I need the space and to be on my own once in a while. During the absence we talk alot. Sometimes we talk for about 2000 minutes a month. I have heard of friends at the college who complained about their spouse, and in-laws every now and then. When they questioned where do I like to live, I answered that I would not care as long as I can be with my husband. My 8 years of marriage is like 2 years. Our time together is always precious. Some friends complained 1 day is like 10 years!
We do things together like shopping, gardening and household chores. When I shared that my husband is my best friend, I think some people think I’m nuts.
Above all, I think commitment is very important because we cannot rely just on our feelings.
Hi Jesie,
I’m so happy for you. You’re are another good example of a successful relationship. My wife is also my best friend, because we talk about things like friends do; our fear, our desires, our dreams, our goals, our likes, our dislikes…
I also agree with your point on commitment. Perhaps not only to each other in a relationship, but also a commitment to make the relationship good for each other by practicing the points I mentioned above.
Hi Lawrence,
I also have been married for 10 years and love your ideas in this post. I’ll share 2 we use as well. Since our anniversary is July 26th — we use the 26th of every month as a “check-in”. We hold hands, look into each other’s eyes, say “I love you” and talk about the past month — it’s ups and downs and how we feel as a whole. I always look forward to the 26th — with 2 little kids life gets hectic and knowing we have that one day a month where we celebrate our relationship and love definitely has helped us stay in tune with each other. The other is date night as often as we can. A lot of times when kids come along it is easy to forget to MAKE the time for the 2 of you to be together. Ensuring we get our date nights and get to reconnect out of the house — even if it’s a long walk to our favorite park — has us even more in love than we were when we said our vows 10 years ago. Thanks for the post! GREAT tips! Gratefully, Jenny
Hi Jennifer,
Really appreciate your time in sharing these 2 tips. I really love the “check-in” idea. It’s a great way to communicate on a very in-depth manner, which is necessary to strengthen a relationship.
Hi Lawrence,
Thank you for this article, all the do to rekindle romance in a relationship/marriage are excellent ones. Making an effort is the key here, some of us are way too busy to think about the neglect of her indoors to our detriment. People need to feel they are loved otherwise all the interest gradually fades, the problem here when the penny drops it’s too late to retrieve it from the whole it landed in.
Jama51 - Neville.
I love this article. Like Albert, I love the last two points most. I’ve would also add (similar to other points) of making a point to spend time together each week. My partner and I have date nights with each other every week.. and it’s been great for us in keeping the spark.. and a time for us to completely concentrate on each other.
Love & Gratitude,
Tina
Thanks for sharing your experiences Tina.
Indeed, it may just be simple things like spending time together. Need not be doing anything much, just simple things like sitting around, drinking, nice music, chatting…
There’s already too much things to do and too much buzz. A nice quiet time to chill out together is really nice for a couple to spend time together.
[…] 7 Ways to Re-Kindle Your Relationship […]
Thanks, this will definitely help me in my relationship.
To maintain a healthy long term relationship, it’s important to keep romance alive.
hi,
Thanks for nice sharing.these are really nice way to Rekindle The Romance In Your Relationship….
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