Photo by darkroom11

When a relationship first started, it is usually accompanied by hot passion and sizzling romance. It fills you up, and you feel like you’re at the top of the world. It’s indeed a great feeling to have another person’s unconditional love and full attention.

However, over time, this feeling wades. The relationship matures into something more stable, less sensational. People simply get use to each other, and the bursting emotional scale recedes back to normal range.

This is a normal relationship cycle. A sustainable long term relationship does not necessarily mean you are constantly feeling ‘high’ with love. On the other hand, it does not mean that we should allow the romance to degenerate into a monotonous, mundane issue between two people.

Having being with my wife for 10 years already, we have pretty much experienced most of the highs and lows. One thing we consciously make an effort to do is to make sure the romance does not wither or fade away as the years go by.

Rekindling the romance in a long term relationship does take some effort from both parties. It means setting aside time and effort from your busy schedule to maintain and invigorate the relationship.

Here are some tips we constantly use to rekindle the romance:

1. Take Holiday Breaks Together. – Getting away together for a week or two is the best way to rekindle your romance. It does not necessarily have to be a luxurious getaway; just somewhere away from the normal buzz of life. Throw your work aside and get away to somewhere where two of you will not be disturbed; where you can fully enjoy each other’s company.
2. Celebrate. – We make it a point to celebrate each other’s birthday, our anniversary, and Christmas every year. It does not need to be a grand celebration; just a quiet, cozy dinner, and exchanging of small gifts. Gift exchange is something my wife really looks forward to; and anticipation certainly helps to bring some excitement into the relationship.

   PS: Today is my wife, Florence’s birthday and we are celebrating. Happy birthday, Darling.

3. Do Something Different Together. – Have new experiences together. Sometimes, when we get into a funky mood, we set ourselves a date to go roller-blading, hiking, or even sign up for the half-marathon. Or try going to a new restaurant, a new park; anything that is different to break the monotony of your routine. A fresh experience every once in a while brings fresh perspectives and rejuvenates your relationship.
4. Separation. – Separation does make the heart go fondle. Due to our work, we travel quite often. If handled well, small separations do help to rekindle the romance in your relationship. I make it a point to call my wife everyday when I’m overseas. We would talk about how much I miss her, and planning on doing things together when I get back. The anticipation that builds up helps to rekindle more romance.
5. Appreciate Each Other. – Even though it may seem obvious, make it a point to show your wife how much you appreciate her. A sincere ‘I love you’ and warm, cuddly hug once in a while certainly drives home the message. Trust me, we all need that assurance sometimes.
6. Spend Time With Yourself. – A healthy relationship requires time away from each other as well. By spending time with yourself, to think about your life and what you want, it allows you to come back to the relationship as a positive and healthy person. The basis of any healthy relationship is two healthy, positive people coming together.
   

   It is only when you are well that you can have the energy and internal resources to make a positive difference…
   - Tina Su

   Tina Su recently wrote about self love, and also Karen Lynch says that the healthier and happier you are alone, the better the life you build together in a relationship.

7. Be Present. – The most important tip of all; be present. When I am out on a date with my wife, I try not to have my work distract me from enjoying the date. Ladies are very sensitive and will sense it when you’re preoccupied with other thoughts. Nothing is more of a kill-joy than a boyfriend/husband who does not enjoy her company.

It is important that you take conscious efforts to romance each other; before it degenerates into a humdrum relationship of two people taking each other for granted.

Rekindling your romance does not necessarily mean that you need to bring back the hot lovey-dovey feeling you felt when you were in your teens. Depending on your age, personality and the maturity of your relationship, it can also be just a simple session together and enjoying each other’s company. It’s these small things that make a huge difference in the long run.

How do you rekindle your romance? Feel free to share with us in the comments.

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