Photo by Behrooz Nobakht

When it comes to self development and personal growth, it is my philosophy that any success in life involves setting meaningful goals, taking real actions, and having the perseverance to see your efforts through to fulfillment.

However, I was constantly running into demoralizing setbacks and failures that threatened to throw me off track. There was this little devilish voice in my mind dissuading me,

Why are you doing this? You’ve failed. Is it worth the struggle? Give up.

Even though I understand that I must remain positive; Sometimes, I still found myself struggling with the notion of positive thinking. Something is missing; it’s not as if simply by maintaining a positive attitude and mindset, success will be ensured, right?

The fact is that deep inside my heart, I was hurting and I felt so bad. I wanted to achieve something, yet I kept failing. It seemed like I was getting further away from my goals than ever before. It felt terrible. I really felt so much like giving up.

Thank God that I had discovered the secrets to recover from failures and get back on track every time.

The good news is that recovery from failures is a skill which can be learned, like cycling and cooking. When you learn to recover from failures effectively, instead of giving up or sweeping the problems under the carpet, you’ll learn to stay on track; you’ll learn to harness what’s negative and turn that into positive, empowering motivations; you’ll learn to constantly persist and persevere, naturally, without having to force yourself or psyche yourself into positive thinking.

SUCCESS IS NOT ABSENCE OF FAILURES.

First, we need to change our perspectives about failures.

Today, our mass media is constantly bombarding our minds with stories of the rich and famous basking in their glorious achievements, and enjoying the fruits of their successes. Such one-sided storytelling often reinforces the notion that success is restricted to the privileged or talented few.

For the rest of us, the average Joes and Jane, success is a far-fetched concept that seems so out of reach;

• It seems that Tiger Woods in so talented in golf, that he can pull off a perfect swing every time; whereas you have difficulty connecting your driver with the golf ball.
• It seems that Lance Armstrong easily won the Tour-de-France consecutively for seven years, when you have difficulty even cycling up a slope.
• It seems Einstein is a born genius with superhuman IQ; whereas you cannot even understand what the Law of Relativity is about.

The direct contrast between these superior performances and our mediocre abilities makes it seems like these talents are God’s gifts; that these fortunate few have always with blessed with success from day one.

In this regard, I hope the following stories will offer you a good counter-perspective.

Lance Armstrong, cancer survivor and 7 time consecutive winner of the Tour de France (a biking competition spanning 2,100 miles over two mountain ranges in 20 days) - the victories spanning from 1999-2005. Here’s what most people don’t know about what happened in his previous races.

• 1993 - Did not finish
• 1994 - Did not finish
• 1995 - Came in 36th place
• 1996 - Did not finish
• 1997 - Did not finish
• 1998 - Did not enter

Oprah Winfrey; do you know that when she first started out in television, she began as a news reporter and the people she worked for told her the first thing she should do is change her name.

They said that nobody would remember Oprah Winfrey. They suggested she change it but she refused.

She kept on working as a news reporter for 8 years; all these while learning about what it takes to bring great news to people. She shared her concerns for events that touch her heart.

When her contract was almost up, they told her she was too big, too emotional, too engaged to be in news. So they put her on a talk show to run out her remaining contract.

That talk show is ‘The Oprah Winfrey Show’, the highest rating talk show that the world is watching today.

I hope you see the moral behind these stories; success is not the absence of failure. In fact, failures are part and parcel of success; they are the necessary ingredients for success. Behind each glamorous success stories is a series of setbacks and hardship, unknown to many of us.

The first step to overcoming failures is to recognize that behind all success stories, there was a series of failures.

When you face failures, it does not take you further away from your goals. Instead, failures only serve to bring you closer to them.

WE GROW STRONGER THROUGH FAILURES.

Difficulties and setbacks are meant to shapes our character, and make us better. It is there to get us ready for success.

In the movie “Evan Almighty”, Congressman Baxter prayed to God that he would like to ‘change the world’ as a newly elected politician. At the same time, his wife, prayed for the family to be closer and more loving together.

God then appeared and told Baxter that a flood is coming to wipe out the town, and asked him to build an Ark and save one pair of each animal and as many people as he can.

When Baxter started building the Ark, he got suspended as Congressman due to his seemingly crazy and ridiculous actions; and became the laughing stock of the whole city.

In this time of need, Baxter’s wife and kids abandoned him, thinking that he had gone crazy. Baxter continued to build the Ark alone while everyone laughed and hurled insults at him.

On a separate occasion, God appeared to Baxter’s wife as a waiter in a restaurant and asked why she was feeling so sad. After she explained what her husband had done, the waiter explained…

When you pray for courage, God does not give you courage. He gives you the opportunity to become courageous. When you pray for your family to become closer, God does not give you that fuzzy warm feeling. Instead, he gives you the opportunity to become closer and stronger

It was at that moment that his wife realized that she had abandoned her husband in his time of need; and that it was in this time of difficulties that lay the opportunity for the family to grow closer and stronger. She returned with the kids to help Baxter build the Ark.

Later, Baxter asked God why he was chosen to build the Ark, God replied that it was because he prayed to ‘change the world’. Baxter setbacks in losing his job, facing ridicule from the entire town, losing his family are all part of the plan; to shape his character and abilities which are necessary for the grandiose task of changing the world.

Underlying this movie is a powerful message:

• When we wish for love, God does not magically make us loving, He creates the opportunities for us to give and receive love.
• When we wish for riches, God does not rain money from the sky; He creates the opportunities for us to learn and to build it.
• When we wish for wisdom, God does not swing His magic wand and make us smarter; He creates opportunities for us to experience and learn wisdom.

Therefore, each failure is an opportunity to learn and grow; for us to become what we are destined to be. Failures are meant to be feedbacks for us to grow stronger, get smarter and do things better the next time round. In doing so, you are one step closer to success.

EMBRACE THE FEELINGS OF FAILURE.

Even with this new perspective, it does not mean that you will not feel lousy when you fail. You will continue to feel terrible for each failure! Let’s face it, deep down inside, no one wants to fail.

The next time you feel shitty because of a failure. Don’t fight that feeling; instead embrace it. Allow yourself to feel the pain, the disgrace, the disappointment; whatever feeling that failure brings you, embrace it and acknowledge it.

Allow yourself some time to ‘indulge’ in failure. Don’t be too hard on yourself, we are all humans, and we have emotions. Acknowledging a negative feeling is the first step to recovering from it. Acknowledging that you have failed makes it easier to learn from it. Denial only creates more resistance to recovery.

TURNING FAILURES INTO SUCCESS.

During this period of indulgence in failure, ask yourself what you have learned from the failure. Ask yourself what you must do to improve from the lessons learned. What are the actions that you can take to prove that you have grown stronger from this setback? Go somewhere quiet, and revisit your goals. Do you still desire your goals? Do you still desire the accomplishments and good feelings that come with these goals? Bring those positive feelings back.

After some time, once you feel that you are ready to move on, think about the things that you have learned and how it has now bring you one step closer towards your goals. Then take small, immediate actions that will allow you to see small results. It’ll increase your confidence. Use that to re-build your momentum.

As you try to recover from your failure, chances are those lousy feelings will continue to bug you initially.

In this time, it’ll also be helpful to have a support group. Speak to family and friends who are supportive and encouraging. Read about people who help failed, persisted and later succeed. Come back to this article and refresh your memories about recovering from failures.

THE STRONGEST CHARACTERS ARE THUS FORGED

So my friend, failure is part and parcel of life. This is meant to be so; only in dealing with failures, we mature and shape our characters; we become a more holistic, more complete person.

Life without failures just makes characterless Barbie Dolls out of us.

Embrace failures; live it, feel it and turn that into something positive because you are now a stronger person. Simply because you have learned, grown and overcome.

Recover from every failure that comes your way and I am sure that success will be yours someday.

EXTERNAL RESOURCES ON HANDLING FAILURES

• 7 Powerful Tips to Overcome Failure - Donald Latumahina
• How to Fight Your Fear - Tina Su

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