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Self confidence is a vicious circle. The more you lack self confidence the more difficult it is to succeed. A low success rate will further lower your self confidence… That’s what makes gaining self confidence a very difficult task, since you have to push yourself to break the low self confidence habit.

I want to be realistic… It’s very hard to increase your self confidence. It is not something that you will get overnight. You have to try hard and more than once. Gaining self confidence is a challenging exercise for everyone at first. But if you put enough effort, you will manage to increase your self confidence.

Several tips are suggested to gain self confidence all of which help you in different ways to break the chains of the low self confidence vicious circle. But the tip I find most useful is the following.

Identify something that you feel you are good at. It can be playing an instrument, practicing a sport or maybe you have excellent writing skills. After you find what you are good at, start a conversation with a close friend of yours or maybe a family member (someone you feel very comfortable with) about what you are good at and mention your abilities. Make sure that you explicitly mention that you are good at doing that particular thing, giving evidence by showing a sample of your work, for example.

The fact that you managed to discuss something about you, something that you are good at is a very positive achievement. After doing the above exercise you will feel more confident of your abilities, since you feel the backup of those who have agreed with you (in this case, family members or close friends).

The next step is to get out of the comfort zone of your family members or close friends and go out and talk about your abilities with someone else, maybe a colleague or a friend. Use the experience that you have obtained from previous similar discussions by focusing on the statements that were the most convincing. It will work for sure as it has worked when you have addressed your close friends and family members.

As you can see, gaining self confidence is an exercise that you should repeat frequently. Each time you should push yourself further. The more you talk with other people, the more people will appreciate your skills and value your knowledge.

Editor’s Note: This is a guest post by a friend from FruitfulTime - a software company behind the todo list software “FruitfulTime TaskManager”.
FruitfulTime has a blog focusing on personal productivity, you may like to visit FruitfulTime Blog or subscribe to feed.

(Photo by floato)

Yesterday, I was reading the book ‘Never Eat Alone‘, by Keith Ferrazzi. In this book, there is a lesson about adapting our goals that I like to share.

Keith is a marketer at heart; He became the youngest ever CMO (Chief Marketing Officer) of Starwood Hotels and Resort (a Fortune 500 company). A few year later, he became CEO of YaYa Media.

He believed that marketing can and should direct all operational activities. Yet, throughout his career, he faced resistances from top management to let marketing play a bigger role in the running of the organization.

During his CMO tenur at Starwood Hotels and Resorts, he hit a low point in his career; his goal to restructure marketing globally was not supported by the new President then. He knew he wouldn’t be able to reach his goals at Starwood.

Keith knew he had to leave.

He decided the best way to make his dream come true is to become the CEO and run the company the way he believes it should be run. He reevaluated his dreams and wrote a 12-page mission statement comprising his key strengths and weaknesses. He wanted to become the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. However, the reality check turned out that Keith lack the qualifications to be CEO of any Fortune 500.

He consulted with his friends and advisors. One of them told Keith “you have to get over the prestige of working for a Fortune 500 company. If you want to be CEO, you have to find a company that you can grow with.”

That was exactly the advice that Keith needed. With that in mind, Keith adjusted his goals, and set out an action plan to network with the relevant people in the industry - people not from Fortune 500. Of the connections he made, it included people from YaYa Media. Months later, an opportunity in YaYa Media opened up for the CEO position and he took it - realizing his dream of bringing his marketing experience into the CEO position.

PERSIST ON YOUR DREAMS, BUT DON’T GET STUCK IN TRAFFIC JAMS

I often talk about setting goals and living your passion. I have to admit that this is not an easy thing to do. More often than not, life does not turn out as we plan it to.

However, Keith’s story is a good lesson for us - even as we strive towards our dream in a persistent manner, we must be flexible to adapt our action plans to changing times and prevailing forces.

When we set goals, we do not concern ourselves with ‘how’ to make it happen. Along the way, when actions are taken, we get feedbacks and see actual progress. It’s times like these that we need to reevaluate our approach to our dreams. It’s not the same as giving up, it’s about adapting. I know, it’s a fine line to draw - it’s subtle but very important.

To illustrate my point, I like to share an analogy: Let’s say you are going out on a car trip to a park. When you set off from your house, you planned on taking the shortest route you know. But during the journey, you heard over the radio that there’s a traffic jam up ahead. At this moment, you can choose to stubbornly stick to your planned route or you can switch to another longer route without traffic jam. Chances are, it makes more sense to change your route, and you still get to your destination (the park). The traffic jam is something that you don’t control, and there’s no telling how long it is going to take.

It’s all about adapting to prevailing circumstances. There’s no point in fighting against circumstances that you don’t control. You’ll only end up in self-defeat and more disappointment.

Do you think Keith would have succeeded as quickly if he had stubbornly stuck to his dream to become CEO of a Fortune 500 company?

(Photo by voltage)

(Photo by Darkle Doodah Dagbar )

Can money buy happiness? If money can really buy happiness, how much would it cost?

Of course, there’s a lot of things that money can’t buy. Saying money can buy happiness does sound superficial. Perhaps to some, money and happiness are two concepts that should not even be talked about together. Well, that’s exactly contrary to what I think - money and happiness has A LOT to do with each other!

In this last part of Money Mindset Series, I like to sum up by talking about money and its relations to two important areas of our life: career and relationships .

Before I carry on, I like to qualify that I’m not the mercenary sort who believes that having lots of money equals having happiness. I do agree that money cannot buy happiness. However, in our world today, money has a lot of influences on other areas of life which leads to fulfillment.

The chart below shows the positive influence that you will have on career and relationships when you manage your money well. I will elaborate on them next.

Read more… »

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I started this blog with the intention to provide my insights on living a balanced life through personal development. Over time, I have crystallized this mission into the three-legged stool concept.

The diagram shows a three-legged stool: my depiction of a balanced life. Each leg of the stool is a key pillar needed for life fulfillment as follows:

Read more… »

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In his article Tackle Any Issue With a List of 100, Luciano shows us how to tackle any issue with a list of 100 possible solutions.

Today, I like to share a list of 100 great personal development resources to improve your Career, Relationships and Money - in accordance with the aim of A Long Long Road. So, here goes:

CAREER AND WORK

Work In General

1. Should You Report Sexual Harassment in the Workplace - well, the title speaks for itself.
2. Should I Report Ethical Misconduct At Work? - we all may face this judgment call in one point or another in our career. Should we report it?
3. Why do Some People Consistently Inspire Others to Follow Their Lead? - some qualities of great leaders to inspire you.

Career

4. Telework is Good for You - teleworking can really help to strike the work life balance, when done properly.
5. How To Stop Being So Afraid Of Changing Careers - changing career may be a very scary thing, but it’s can also bring a lot of happiness and fulfillment if done correctly. So how do you take this brave step?
6. Exploring Career Choices - what are the career choices to a great life? This articles shows you the considerations to help you think it through.
7. Accessing the Hidden Job Market - other than the normal job agencies and classified ads, there are other hidden channels to seeking a new job. Here are some tips about hidden job market.
8. One Critical Factor That Will Make Or Break Your Career - no matter how great you are at work, you will not be professionally successful without this.
9. What Is Most Likely To Help You Reach The Top? - a similar theme to the previous post.
10. Top 5 Reasons to Quit a Job - common reasons to quit your job, and dealing with them.
11. How to Sell Yourself (and Why Your Career Depends On It) - it’s true, no matter how great you are at your job. Nobody’s going to know about it until you do a little self-marketing. Here’s some tips to do it correctly.
12. 10 Tips for a Successful Meeting With The Boss - when meeting with your boss, you need to be prepare to save his/her time and leave a good impression. Here’s 10 tips to help you along.
13. What To Do When The Recruiter Calls - we all faced this at one point or another in our career, a recruiter. Here’s how to handle the recruiter.

Read more… »

(Photo by lhuiz)

I once met a client from Australia. She is a very capable lady who holds herself well in professional settings. There is also something about the way she carries herself, which sets her apart from the others; something that makes me conclude that she is going to achieve something great in her career in the future: she is in harmony with herself and others.

What do I mean by that?

To be successful in your career, you need to be seen as capable and yet not threatening.

This is one statement she made which left a lasting impression on me. I still remember it today and it pretty much sums up the idea of harmony that I am talking about today.

HARMONY – A CRITICAL ATTRIBUTE

At work, it’s common to run into disagreement with others; clients, vendors, peers and even superiors. The critical attribute for professional success depends on how well you handle disagreements and ability to get along with people despite the differences in mindsets and opinions.

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Courage is not the absence of fear; it’s facing up to it.

When I hear the word ‘courage’, scenes of Tom Cruise in ‘The Last Samurai’ and Tom Hanks in ‘Saving Private Ryan’ often come to mind. Thanks to our Hollywood blockbusters, the term ‘courage’ conjures images of a hero standing up to overwhelming adversity, fighting a much stronger enemy, or putting oneself in a dangerous situation for a greater good.

The consequence of such messaging is that we tend to overlook subtle acts of courage in our lives.

Merriam-Webster defines courage as:

mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.

With this understanding, facing up to fear and challenges in very mundane situations can be considered courageous as well. It may not be as heroic as what you see in the movies; it is courage nonetheless. This realization is important because there seems to be a prevailing notion that average folks like you and me are living in circumstances which does not call for us to be courageous.

As such, we stop being courageous; we stop living up to a higher standard or calling inside us. It’s a slow desensitization to good human qualities and resignation to a life of mediocrity.

We have courageous people around us. It’s just so subtle that you do not notice it. Perhaps, even the person him/herself may not realize they are displaying courage. I hope to create awareness of these good qualities happening around us, so that they can be encouraged, emulated and propagated.

Here’s 3 ways that you too, can be courageous when at work:

Read more… »

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Let’s test your creativity. I am going to tell you a real story, a problem; let’s see if you can derive a creative solution to this problem.

There was a hotel; a grand, historical five star hotel established since the 1940s. Everything was great about the hotel; posh, grand, cozy and all, except for one thing. The old elevators were too old and too slow. These were the very first batch of elevators designed for high rise building installed more than 40 years ago. It was taking too long to reach the customers in the upper floors, and the hotel management was getting a lot of complaints about the slow elevators.

The hotel management called in the engineers and they proposed two solutions:

1. To change the existing elevators to the latest, faster models.
2. To add more elevators to the hotel.

Both options would cost the hotel management a hefty sum which was way beyond their budget. Can you think of any other solution to this problem?

You Are A Creative Genius

When we talk about creativity, we think of names like Leonardo Da Vinci, Albert Einstein, Picasso… Some think that being creative is a gift that is limited to the blessed few, but it is not. Everybody has creativity in them, and it can be harnessed with the proper process or steps, which I have learned and will share with you today.

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I’d recently posted my perspectives on Law of Attraction, and how it relates to personal development. To be very honest, I was mentally prepared to take some objections from supporters of Law of Attraction with this decision.

Not surprising, the first comment I’d got was from a support of Law of Attraction; his name is Jack. If you look at the comment thread, you will see that his comment was constructive and offers a different but valid perspective. I also asked Jack for a testimony to support his argument.

Boy, was I surprised, a couple of hours later, to see a comment of 2580 words which contains Jack’s testimony.

I appreciate Jack’s contribution of time and effort. Even though our opinions defer, I feel that the best judgment on this issue should be left to you, the readers to make. Offering a new perspective certainly offers my readers more value; to make an all-rounded judgment for yourself. As such, I wrote to Jack and asked for his permission to publish his testimony as a post, and he gracefully obliged.

Other than correcting some spelling and grammars, I have left Jack’s testimony as-is. Thank you Jack.

JACK’S TESTIMONY OF LAW OF ATTRACTION

Hi, Lawrence, et al,

Sure, I can give you testimony about the “miracles” I’ve experienced. To do it thoroughly enough, I’m afraid, will be a long-winded affair. Before I begin, I’d like to say that, having seen the video of “The Secret,” there was a lot that was annoying about the presentation of the Law of Attraction. I found that amusing: there they were, presenting a very profound idea, but done with all the rank hucksterism of a late night infomercial for a device that would flatten your abs. The whole thing seemed kind of like a scam. I guess what’s important, though, is that it got the message out there….

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